Post your introductory paragraph, and I will give you feedback. Also, feel free to give helpful and constructive feedback to others.
Introductory Paragraphs
For this essay, you will use your introductory paragraph to grab the reader's attention and to focus and set the tone of your paper.
Here are some ideas for opening your essay. Check out the longer version here: Introductory Paragraphs
Begin with a quotation. Just make sure you explain its relevance
Begin with a question
Begin with an acknowledgment of an opinion opposite to the one you plan to take
Begin with a very short narrative or anecdote that has a direct bearing on your paper
Begin with an interesting fact
Begin with a definition or explanation of a term relevant to your paper
Begin with irony or paradox
Begin with an analogy. Make sure it's original but not too far-fetched
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Being an observer of the jewish religion, brought me to the country of its origination. this unique experience made me feel like a complete foreigner in my own country. thinking i would be completely familiar with the country and the daily routine only made my stay more confusing. during my stay of a year felt like a decade, but looking back it felt like one long day.
I come from a jewish community located all around brooklyn. Whether or not i follow the so called group norms and religious views my community has, decides if i will remain a member of the community or slowly be alienated. Don't get me wrong, i fulfill my religious obligations immensely, but theres always an issue. When i was about 11 years old i had developed a minor bump in the road and as the years went on, the issue became more and more than just a bump in the road. It became reality. My lifetime dream that i had made for myself as a young kid, was soon to be sent down a difficult path of decisions. I had chosen the one dream that would make every member of the community to scrutinize me as if i was an outlander. Even now i find myself having trouble revealing my so called conflict, but it just must be done. Yes, my dream had in fact become in conflict with my monumental religious views. A dream so essential to me, that even the most sacred things may not be as crucial. I strive to be a professional baseball player.
It seems my email is still incoherent so heres a new one.
marcsitt@yahoo.com
“Be selfish. You can’t just sit here waiting. It’s not healthy for you, Loraine. You’re going to sit home every night depressed. Think about yourself.” Everyday they tell me over and over again that if I really think about what I’m doing, I’ll know it’s wrong. Maybe if they were in my shoes than they’d think differently and understand what I’m going through. How could they upset me this way? These are my thoughts that always follow. My best friends are always by my side no matter where life takes me. Why is now any different? I know they’re only trying to help but this is what I want. My boyfriend recently left to Israel for two years and we couldn’t let go. We were supposed to break up but that is not what we want anymore. He’s the most important person I have in my life, and I’m waiting for him whether or not my best friends approve.
“You have until seven tonight to pack your stuff and leave”. He had this smug look on that made me want rip his face off , and tear it into shreds with a rusty spoon. I should have known this was going to happen eventually, but did he have to be so damn happy about it? I was almost getting used to it at this point. It was the 4th camp I’ve been kicked out of and I had just gotten kicked out of school three weeks ago. My parents were going to kill me. Apparently he was still talking to me after I sat mulling over my current situation. “Hey I’m talking to you”, he barked. “Did we get to the part where I’m kicked out yet?” I said as I began to rise from my seat in that warped, cracked plastic chair, the kind one got second hand from a public school giving their old ones away. The office was poorly air conditioned and large splotches of sweat had formed under the arms of his white oxford. “You know what your problem is” he began. Being a chronic smart-ass at that point I replied “No but I no what your problem is”. Clearly taken aback he was silent, as if I had deviated from the script and he wasn’t sure what was coming next. “Your tremendously over weight, your hairlines disappearing so quick you can actually see it happening, and you have a horrible G-d complex that makes you remind most people of a fat, sweaty, balding Napolean. whats my problem?” His faced had turned the color of an overripe tomato and had purple splotches breaking out around his meaty jowls. “Get out now!” He bellowed. He picked me up by my elbow and slammed the door behind me as I left. The question was now what?
Also, can different events i witness in the world around me, encourage AND discourage my dream, or does it have to be just one way?
And haven't recieved feedback on my intro.
Marcsitt@yahoo.com
Does this happen to everyone? I mean when something positive happens in your life and it feels like a dream. You get scared thinking that you will wakeup at any moment. Well something like this happen to me on May 2001. When my family and I aborted the PIA (Pakistani Airplane) for a nine and a half hour flight from Pakistan to London, and from there to another eight hour flight to the big apple USA. Those hours were the longest hours of my life, that was the time when my world was turned upside down literary the day time was now night time, the night time was now day time.
i ment to say literally oops!
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